Jane the Virgin: Chapter 3

In Chapter 2 of Jane the Virgin, Jane came to terms with her new reality as an expectant mother. She had her very first – and very crowded – sonogram, quelled her fears about giving her baby to Rafael and Petra and decided it probably wasn’t the best idea to refer to the baby as a milkshake.

In Chapter 3, Jane’s refocusing on her romantic future with one major revelation – it’s time to have sex! For years she’s heeded her grandmother’s warnings and the Lord’s teachings, staying strong and chaste in the face of terrible heartbreak from bad teenage boyfriends who wanted more than boob touching. But now she’s knocked up, engaged and really questioning the whole ‘waiting’ thing. Jane is finally ready to lose the virgin label! Or is she?

Jane announces her intentions to Michael (who hears choirs of angels at the words “let’s have sex”) and starts planning for their big night. But when you’ve waited this long to lose your virginity there’s a lot of pressure for perfection … and Jane’s road to the pre-marital bed gets complicated very quickly.

Spy Games

First she’s distracted by a growing suspicion that Petra is hiding something. Jane catches her pacing outside the crime scene (In case you forgot: Roman Zazo, big fall, giant ice fish, impaled), popping pills and acting sketchy. Is she a suspect? A witness? Maybe just a drug addict? Jane voices her fears to Michael but he brushes them off and calls her hormonal. Bad move dude. That is soooo not the sweet talk ladies expect on the day of consummation.

But Jane just can’t let it go. She sneaks into Petra’s penthouse with a bag of dry cleaning/flimsy excuse and pokes around. It should be noted that Jane is a very, very bad spy. But it should also be noted that paranoid, shifty Jane is adorably amusing. Petra catches her in the act and Jane considers covering her tracks by feigning a headache … err … make that a pregnancy-related headache. But she’s haunted by more of her grandmother’s words of wisdom: Lies are big BALLS OF EVIL that will spiral out of control. Decent point, Abuela — there are a lot of evils balls in the air on this show and sooner or later people will start dropping them. So Jane blurts out that she was snooping. Petra expertly calms her down by admitting to the occasional Xanax during times of crises and shifts the focus of the conversation by revealing a beautiful nursery she had designed. Hormonal Jane starts blubbering like a baby. (Yes I can say hormonal because I’m a chick and we’re allowed.) For the final trick in her charm and dis-arm routine, Petra sends Jane off with the keycard to the romantic presidential suite. Wait … why was Jane ever suspicious? Petra is so sweet! SIGH.

Heart Problems

Next, Jane is disturbed by her growing attraction to Rafael. Every time the two cross paths, her heart begins to pound uncontrollably. Is it because he’s so darn handsome? Those pesky hormones again? Or could her heart be trying to tell her something? When Jane was a teenager, her mother and her grandmother promised her that she would know the right man when he came along. She would just FEEL it. So why is her heart pitter-pattering for someone she’s not about to get horizontal with? Rafael is definitely not her Mr. Right … probably not … maybe not? Then again, he is the only person who openly calls Jane a writer and asks her for her help tweaking press releases. He appreciates her strong moral stance and ‘judgy’ opinions, often taking her advice. Plus a spontaneous jaunt around the dance floor proves he’s one hell of a dancer! Hours before Jane’s big night, she’s shaken by these scary newfound feelings.

The Voice of God

To make matters worse, Jane meets up with her grandmother for a pre-sex church sermon, which is obviously a terrible idea. In the middle of the service, she hallucinates that the priest is speaking directly to her, backed up by a choir crooning at her to tell the truth and keep her legs closed. Those darn balls of evil again! Jane caves to half of their demands and confesses that she’s planning on losing her virginity that night. Her grandmother is shocked and hurt, but later leaves a touching voicemail promising she’ll love Jane no matter what. Awwww.

Saved By the Bell

Despite the growing list of reasons to call it off, Jane is determined to go through with her plan. She meets Michael in the presidential suite and they tentatively begin their night of passion. Unfortunately everything is just … off. The TV begins to play a preprogrammed video message from Rafael, who promises guests he will fulfill their every need. The beautiful white flowers on the bedside table are wilting rapidly in Jane’s mind. Finally the fire alarm goes off and the awkward couple are forced to evacuate, officially putting an end to their tryst.

Jane finally admits to Michael – and herself – that she’s not ready. But she blames her hesitation on her grandmother’s disappointment and hides her growing feelings for Rafael. Uh-oh … ball of evil. Michael agrees to wait, but wants to move the wedding up to next week. GULP.

Crime Scene Steal

Jane isn’t the only one distracted during the lead up to the failed sex mission. Michael is busy taking serious liberties with the law to keep Jane from finding out about Petra’s philandering behaviour. The hunt for Zazo’s killer is on and unfortunately for Michael, Petra makes a good suspect. To keep her off the cop’s radar, Michael agrees to swipe her necklace from the crime scene. Pretty sketchy. He should be thinking about upholding justice, but he’s too busy picturing himself fighting crime with a baby strapped to his chest. Why all the worry Mikey? I think that’s a pretty sexy look for you!

Petra swears she had nothing to do with the murder but Michael panics when he learns that her wheelchair bound mother’s key card was used in a stairwell near the time of death. Has he helped cover up key evidence? Michael is sucked further into the messy situation when Petra threatens to reveal his crime scene tampering if he can’t keep her out of jail. He’ll end up in prison himself and will certainly lose Jane when she learns of his deception.

Papa Don’t Tell

Xiomara is still trying to convince Rogelio that it’s not the right time for the big Daddy announcement. But it’s hard to stand your ground while wrapped up in the bed sheets. Xiomara has definitely fallen under her famous ex-boyfriend’s spell. She’s thrilled when a giant gift basket arrives addressed to her. Then less thrilled when she discovers it’s filled with autographed photos and signature salad dressing. Then thrilled again when she finds a personalized bracelet hidden at the bottom.

Rogelio agrees not to reveal his paternity to Jane, but can’t manage to stay away from her. He checks into Rafael’s hotel and hangs around like a lovestruck goof, waiting for his daughter to walk by. Jane does a double take at the sight of her favourite telenovela star and requests a selfie with him. Rogelio proudly poses for his first father daughter photo, but Xiomara and Alba are outraged when they see it online.

Alba marches off to the set of The Passions of Santos to confront Rogelio, but finds herself dumbstruck with awe. Rogelio easily charms her with dulcet tones, gentle handholding and the power of his full El Presidente attire. She returns home, gift basket in hand, and announces that they must tell Jane the truth at once. Unfortunately their big announcement is shelved by Jane’s sex declaration.

Mother-Daughter Time

In other messy relationship news, Luisa is still hot for step-mommy Rose, who is supposed to be helping her with the impending lawsuit. But she’s too busy servicing Luisa’s birthday suit, getting sweaty on the floor of the hotel room she shares with her husband/Luisa’s father. Rose makes it clear while she’s perfectly happy to break her marriage vows, she won’t actually end her marriage. When Luisa jets out to the vending machine for some post coitus treats, she nearly bumps into her father on his way back to the room. In a panic, she pulls the fire alarm to stop him from walking in on a naked Rose beside a pile of her stepdaughter’s clothes.

The Slip-Up

After the lengths Michael has gone to keep Petra’s secret, she’s the one who screws up at the end of the episode. She asks Rafael if he ever located Zaz’s brother Aaron who he told her he was trying to find. And Rafael had mentioned tracking down Zaz’s brother … but he never knew his name. Petra doesn’t even realize her mistake, but Rafael’s suspicions are raised.

Favourite Exchange:

Luisa: Rose, Dad, this is Jane – the girl who I accidentally impregnated who’s suing me …

Mr. Solano: Well that’s one way to meet the mother of your grandchild.

Best Narrator Line:

She concentrated on what lay ahead, specifically getting laid ahead. 

Photo Courtesy of The CW

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