Jane the Virgin: Chapter Seven

In Chapter 6 of Jane the Virgin, Jane said goodbye to a long-term love and opened her heart to a new one.

In Chapter 7, she struggled with the reality of a budding romance with a whole whack of complications.

Warning Signs

When Xiomara interrupts Jane and Rafael’s passionate embrace, she has some strongly worded advice for her twitterpated daughter. Baby daddy + former playboy + traveling in completely different circles + 1 crazy be-yotch not yet ex-wife = big, big trouble. And logically Jane is aware that the odds are stacked against a happy ending with Rafael. She puts the brakes on and tells Rafael that she needs time to sort out her feelings.

And yet … she keeps getting sucked back into his orbit. One of Jane’s hotel friends – the blonde one – is desperate to get them all on the list for a new nightclub so they can celebrate her birthday in style. Jane reluctantly asks Rafael, an investor in the club, to pull some strings. He’s happy to help … and more than happy to flirt shamelessly with her at every opportunity. Jane and Rafael will both be at the club on the same night, but she reminds him forcefully that it’s not a date.

Small quibble with the portrayal of Jane’s friends so far, or rather the lack of portrayal. They show up only to gossip with Jane, but they never have any significant impact on the plot or any personality of their own. I can’t even remember their names. Personally I’d just cut them out of the story and focus on Jane’s interaction with the key characters.

Rafael might not be getting the ‘take it slow’ message. He sends Jane a giant bouquet of roses with a card that promises “Even though it’s not a date, I’m going to kiss you again tonight.” Jane might have appreciated the sentiment, but Michael — who intercepts the message when he drops something off for Jane – definitely does not. Jane feels absolutely horrid for causing her ex further pain.

Screw the Signs

On Jane’s not-date-night at the club, she sulks on the sidelines while her non-pregnant friends drink and dance and Rafael holds court in a circle of attractive women. But he stops her when she attempts to flee and implores her to ignore everything but their connection and go with her gut. He and Jane leave the club together for a romantic but PG13 evening together filled with lots of junk food and intimate conversation. Highlights include Jane’s mad rapping skills and Rafael’s irrational fear of ducks (plural), which is clearly the best fear of all time.

The two lovebirds fall asleep together under the moonlight, but a perfect evening turns into a panic filled morning when Jane nearly misses work and her family flips out because she never made it home. Despite Xiomara’s continued warnings about Rafael’s suitability as a partner, Jane is determined to make it work. She plans romantic night #2 with her new beau, but is disappointed when he stands her up for a mysterious business trip to Miami. It’s actually not his fault because his father showed up to unceremoniously fire him and he’s desperate to save his job. But a second date stand-up is not a great sign.

Fertility Goddess

At work, Jane finds herself being literally embraced by strange emotional couples. At first she believes her new admirers are overzealous fans of Rogelio’s but is horrified to discover that the nuns are pimping her out to their religious congregation. Anybody want to rub the belly of a pregnant virgin for good luck?

At first Jane issues a strong cease and desist warning to the nuns, but reconsiders when she realizes she can leverage her status for job security. As long she keeps giving out good luck fertility hugs, she’s much too valuable to fire.

Drama Queens

Xiomara is determined to keep her distance from Rogelio, but they’re both far too dramatic to make that work. In a botched attempt to prove they’re both coping perfectly, they end up on the world’s most awkward double date. Rogelio finds a groupie to show off and Xiomara accepts a dinner invitation from the charming father of one of her dance students.

Rogelio tries to show up Xo’s Date Marco by flexing his telenovela muscles, but it’s hard to upstage a humble ex-soccer superstar who is utterly devoted to his daughter. You see, while Rogelio’s date is nothing but eye candy chosen to accentuate his desirability … Xo’s date might be someone she could really fall for. GULP.

Rogelio drinks the night away and ropes Xo into giving him a ride home, dashing any hopes she had of a romantic goodnight with Marco. But Xo’s new suitor returns the next day to continue his wooing efforts. Rogelio has some serious competition on his hands.

Hostage Situation

Petra has taken her blackmailer hostage and is now struggling to keep him under control. How can she pay him off and extricate herself from an accidental kidnapping? To earn her hostage’s trust, Petra pulls an elaborate con, feeding him chicken with peanut sauce and panicking when he confesses to an allergy and goes into epileptic shock. Magda urges Petra to let him die, which would solve all of their problems, but Petra whips out an EpiPen at the last minute and saves his life. What a chivalrous, heroic kidnapper! If you can forget the fact that she spotted the allergy bracelet hours ago and set up the near death experience for dramatic effect.

With her blackmailer now under control, Petra needs to secure the cash to end the hostage situation. She convinces her ex-finance and Rafael’s arch nemesis Lachlan to give her the money in exchange for damaging information about Rafael. She throws in some naked fun time for good measure. Ummm, Petra? If you have been holding on to a major Rafael bomb, why didn’t you just use it against him yourself? Just sayin’.

Random Thoughts:

  • Do you they actually give out awards for best smile somewhere? There has to be some silly awards show that does that. And if so Justin Baldoni should be the winner and all the nominees.
  • I wish my father would threaten my dates with the knowledge that he’s slept with more women than them. It’s probably not true (I hope) but it’s an awesome method of intimidation.

Favourite Scene

“What you are about to witness is two creatures who are inherently dramatic attempt to behave like they are not dramatic.”

Definitely a failed attempt for Xo and Rogelio, but hysterical to watch.

Favourite Quote:

Waiter: And here’s the bottle we specially ordered for you Mr. De La Vega.

Rogelio: Please take it away, I’ll be happy to drink normal people wine.

Photo courtesy of The CW

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