In “Chapter 9” of Jane the Virgin, Jane and Rafael outed Petra as a fake and Alba took a life-threatening tumble down a set of stairs.
In “Chapter 10,” Alba is fighting for her life while a hurricane descends on Miami, raining down drama on everyone at the hotel.
Rosaries and Pink Slips
With Alba unconscious in the hospital, Jane goes on a mission to find her grandmother’s missing rosary beads. Her search takes her back to the hotel just as a massive tropical storm is gearing up. A kind co-worker miraculously produces the wayward beads (which she found while cleaning up) but when the storm is upgraded to a hurricane, Jane can’t get back to her Abuela’s bedside.
While Jane frets about the family drama unfolding without her, she gets sucked into an escalating hotel saga sparked by layoff rumours. Jane’s gaggle of underused friends / co-workers — desperate to learn their fate — start squeezing Jane for information. Yeah. Because with an accidental bun in the oven, a budding relationship with her baby daddy, an ex-fiancé in scary detective mode, and a grandmother who might suffer permanent brain damage, what Jane really needs right now is the weight of their careers on her overworked shoulders. I do not enjoy these people.
Despite the fact that she has no control over hotel business and her “friends” are basically asking her to take advantage of Rafael’s affection for her, Jane goes digging anyway. Because she is an awesome person who deserves way better besties! She discovers that Frankie is about to lose her job and takes a lot of unwarranted guff when she doesn’t force Rafael to fire someone else instead. UGH.
Getting Political
Alba’s hospital stay reveals her status as an illegal immigrant and Xo panics when the doctor insists she’ll have to be deported to continue medial treatment in Venezuela. I have to give the writer’s major props for blatantly pimping their political views with clever on-screen text. This can’t be legal, Xo exclaims. “Yes, this really happens” the text responds, “Look it up. #ImmigrationReform”. BAM.
Rogelio dusts off his white hat and starts phoning his bigwig connections. Between the U.N. ambassador and Gloria Estefan, there will surely be a solution. Alba is eventually given a reprieve but Rogelio is just as puzzled as Xo. Glo didn’t even have time to call him back. So who made this miracle happen?
Are you there, God? It’s me Xo.
Xiomara is so desperate for her mother to wake up that she promises God she’ll be a better daughter … or at least a more chaste one. No more pre-marital nookie in exchange for mama’s life. When Alba awakens after (well actually during, but shhh) Xo’s prayer, she’s ecstatic. Xo embraces Rogelio in a moment of pure joy, but shifts her pelvis back to a respectable distance when she remembers declarations made mere moments before. Maybe she should have just promised God she’d show less cleavage or clean out her booty short closet? Looks like Rogelio might have to put a ring on it if he wants to get closer to Xo.
Signed, Sealed, Delivered
With zero leverage at her disposal, Petra finally hands Rafael a signed copy of their divorce papers. She tells him he’s won and asks only for the prenup she was initially promised. But even that’s off the table now that Rafael knows Petra is … not Petra. Fake signature on a prenup = no moola. Petra plays the damsel in distress – she’s just a victim running from a dangerous man! Rafael doesn’t buy it and neither do I. There HAS to be more to it than that. Otherwise there’s no logical reason why she wouldn’t have confessed that to her husband ages ago.
But I do feel kind of sorry for Petra. She lost her power play for extra cash, but now she’s not even going to get the original amount? Yes, she lied about her name, but she was still married to Rafael. Come on, throw the poor vixen a few hundred thousand or something!
Although … if Petra’s prenup is void because she signed it with a fake name, did she not also sign her marriage license with the same name? In which case maybe she was never married and Rafael doesn’t even need divorce papers? Or maybe the marriage was still valid even with the wrong name … but which name will she use to sign the divorce papers? And does it even matter? It’s a classic chicken, egg, fake identity situation.
Petra resigns herself to hawking her wedding ring for cash, but Ivan stirs up trouble when he finally stages a successful escape. On the plus side, it’s a heck of a lot easier to move into a modest lifestyle without a hostage. But it’s hard to live any kind of lifestyle with evil-incarnate Milos on her tail.
The Man With a New Face
Michael and Nadine descend down their mysterious bathtub hole, hoping to uncover the missing Serbian war criminal. They don’t catch their culprit in the labyrinth of secret tunnels beneath the hotel, but they do discover a recently used surgical room, which appears to have been the setting for someone’s new face. And not a tightened and lifted Hollywood new face — a bone shifting, facial structure overhaul … the kind that might come in handy if you were a major fugitive.
The man with a new face had been recuperating in one of the hotel’s recovery suites, but in the chaos of the storm he slipped away from the rest of the nose jobbers and disappeared. So … Michael is now on the lookout for an unknown dude who could look like anybody. Huh. Doesn’t he have access to that cool technology Angela is always using at the Jeffersonian on Bones? Just throw up a picture of his old face, use the records from the surgery, push a few buttons and bing bang boom – picture of new face. No? That’s not something that actually happens? Damn you TV!
Avert your eyes Mute Betty
Rose is alarmed when she overhears Emilio arranging some type of trip and 5 million dollars for someone called Alegria. Her thirst for answers leads her to a very hostile source – her bitter, imprisoned stepdaughter / ex-lover. Luisa has had a LOT of time to simmer about Rose’s betrayal, spilling her secrets and frustrations to her non-verbal roommate, Betty.
And yet somehow Rose manages to calm Luisa and lure her back into bed with powdered donuts. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on her kinks), Mute Betty has a front row seat to their make-up session. During the post-coital cuddling, Rose “casually” inquires about Alegria and discovers that it’s actually a someTHING — a house in Croatia named after Emilio’s dead mother-in-law.
So her husband is planning a hastily arranged trip with oodles of cash? To a country with no U.S. extradition treaty? That’s not suspicious at all. Rose confides in Rafael and wonders aloud whether Emilio could be Sin Rostro?
Sounds plausible to me. Are you listening Michael? You’ve got the right family tree but the wrong branch!
Ex-Love in an Elevator
In a stated shout-out to popular telenovela tropes (and let’s face it American TV clichés as well), Jane finds herself trapped in a broken elevator with her ex while the storm rages on. Michael continues to harangue her about Rafael being a criminal mastermind, but switches gears when Jane has an emotional breakdown about Alba.
Michael has been behaving like a major douche for the last little while so it was nice to see him return to original form, comforting Jane and listening attentively to her fears. The hurricane knocked out cell reception, so Michael radioed a cop at the hospital and arranged for Jane to chat with her mom. We later learn that he orchestrated Alba’s immigration reprieve by claiming she was a material witness in one of his cases. Awwwww. Now this is why I could almost (not quite, but almost) be on Team Michael sometimes.
And Michael hasn’t given up on Jane, as distressed and heartbroken as he is.
Michael: (on phone with Xo) I’m not just going to give up on us, you know? We belong together. And I’ll never stop believing that.
Narrator: And for as long as Michael lived, until he drew his very last breath, he never did.
What WHAAAT???
Favourite Quotes:
How brilliant was the narration and on-screen text during this episode! It’s always top notch, but this episode took it to another level!
Narrator: As you recall, we last left Michael and Nadine in a rather exciting position
(visual of Michael and Nadine making out on the bathroom counter)
Narrator: Not that one you perv.
(Post-Coital scene with Rose and Luisa)
Narrator: Ah, this is the information Rose came for.
On screen text: Pun. Intended.
Photo Courtesy of The CW