Orange Is the New Black: Trust No Bitch

Orange Is the New Black

It’s time for my last Orange Is the New Black recap of the season. “Trust No Bitch” was a super-sized episode that packed in a lot I didn’t much care for (i.e. Stella and Caputo) but also had a killer set piece. Let’s dive in!

The episode opened with Big Boo and Pennsatucky discussing the fact that they couldn’t go through with their plan to assault Coates in retaliation. Pennsatucky tells Big Boo, “I ain’t a rapist. I ain’t and I feel good about it.” Big Boo reminds her that she’s going to continue having van duty every day.

Poussey has found Brook unconscious and thinks she might be dead. She gets Suzanne and Taystee to come look at Brook and help. Taystee says that she’s not dead and they all talk about what they’re going to do. They don’t want to tell a C.O. because it seems to be an attempted suicide and they don’t want her to end up in the psych ward.

In a flashback, Brook practices the piano. Her mother catches her skipping the last repetition of the song she’s practicing. When her mom asks, “Do you know what happens to cheaters?” she says that they go to Hell. She picked this up from going to a friend’s house where The 700 Club is always on. Her mother tells her that there is no Hell. When you die, all that’s left is the memories of your accomplishments and cheaters are quickly forgotten.

Vince visits Morello. He thinks they need to break up. She has something else in mind and asks him to marry her. You’d think the fact that he just tried to break up with her would make this a bad idea, but he’s totally on board. Bless these kids, I suppose.

In a flashback, we see Morello’s first communion. Afterwards, her parents see that she’s still holding her wafer. She says, “I read in a magazine that white food makes you fat.” Her mother tells her, “You gotta eat the cracker, Lorna. The cracker’s the whole point!” She happily says, “No, mama, the dress is the whole point!”

After saving Brook, the black girls bring her to sit when them at their table. Janae asks why they’re helping her when she’s not one of them. Suzanne reminds her how terrible psych is. Janae says, “Nobody saved me from the SHU.” Taystee says that eventually you come back from the SHU. Poussey adds, “As long as she’s with us, we’re gonna be like the Tiger Woods of prison cliques.” Adorable. Janae asks Cindy what she’s working on. Cindy says she’s writing her conversion essay. Janae says, “Okay, I got a black Jew. I got an Asian black. A bunch of race-squatting carpet baggers.”

In a flashback, Janae’s Muslim father forbids her from running track because she has to be half-naked in public. Janae says that she can’t run in a tent. Her mother reminds her that without running, it’ll be difficult for her to get into college. Her father says, “Money is not my God.” Janae stands up and says, “Maybe Allah ain’t my God. Maybe I don’t want to be a proud daughter in the Nation of Islam.” Her father slaps her.

Gloria goes to Jane to ask if she can give an informal confession. Jane agrees to listen and advise. Gloria tells her she never spoke and said that Sophia isn’t really dangerous. Jane says, “Sophia’s my friend so forgive me if I have a hard time staying objective.” Then she adds that she didn’t say anything either when they took Sophia to SHU. She says, “We fail and God forgives us, but I don’t know if we can ever really forgive each other or ourselves. I guess you can say some Hail Marys. I don’t know what else to tell you. It’s all wrong.”

In a flashback, a woman does Santeria on Gloria in the hospital getting an ultrasound, saying it’s to find out if it will be a boy or a girl. Gloria says that they already told her the baby is a girl and no magic can change that. The technician comes in to do the ultrasound. She tells her that the child is actually a boy and they read it wrong last time. The woman who was doing Santeria smiles and nods at Gloria, who tears up.

Cindy talks to Rabbi Teitelbaum about her conversion. The Jewish inmates who have been helping her study assure him that she’s for real, but he still has doubts. He asks her why she wants this, beyond kosher meals. She tears up and says, “Honestly, I feel like I found my people.” She talks about how Jews believe that if you do something wrong, you have to figure it out yourself and it’s your job to keep learning and arguing. She says, “It’s like a verb. It’s like you do God. And it’s a lot of work, but I think I’m in.” It’s a beautiful monologue and Adrienne C. Moore absolutely sells it, but I wish we’d actually seen more of this progression and character arc before this. Rabbi Teitelbaum asks her to ask him again and she asks, “Can I be a Jew?” This time he says “yes.” She’s crying with happiness, but then he brings up it’s not official until the mikvah, which must be done in naturally occurring water, with her fully submerged and nude. She’s discouraged, realizing how unlikely it is this will be feasible for her anytime soon.

In a flashback, we see Cindy as a little girl having dinner with her family. While her father is saying grace, she eats a little bit of her food. Her father catches her and starts yelling at her, asking if she knows what awaits sinners like her. He yells at her about hell and orders her to say “Amen.”

Pennsatucky fakes an epileptic seizure, which makes her unfit to drive the van. She and Big Boo celebrate, but their happiness is short-lived when they see that Maritza is the van driver now and the reality of Coates continuing to work at the prison sets in.

In a flashback, we see a young Big Boo (in a dope polo with a popped collar) touch a microwave and get shocked. When the ambulance brings her back, she says, “There’s no God … there’s nothing.” She smiles with relief. I love this.

After Lorna marries Vince, Red talks to Healy about how they have no idea what they’re in for when it comes to love. Healy says that it doesn’t always work out badly and Red reminds him how badly it worked out for both of them. He says, “You gotta believe in something. Why not love?” Red says that happily ever after was invented for storybooks. Healy says, “That’s very bleak, Red. Even for you.” She replies, “And you caught me on a glass half full day.” He asks if she thinks there’s someone out there she’s meant to be with. She says, “Everyone has a soulmate, but they’re usually on the other side of the bars or the wall or the planet from you. That’s the way the universe works.” Healy says that she’s not going to be in prison forever. Red tells him, “Our ships passed too late in the night for one of them to change course, Sam.”

In a flashback, a young Healy knocks on the door of a church. When no one lets him in, he sits down on the steps to pray. A man who looks just like Jesus walks over to him. He’s amazed for a moment before the man throws up and then passes out on top of him, making it impossible for him to move. He yells out for help but no one comes.

Caputo brings all the guards in for a meeting to bust up their union and tells them that he’s accepted a job replacing Danny Pearson as Director of Human Activity. When they threaten to strike, he says that they’re replaceable. Maxwell replies, “Not today. I’d say today of all days the company still needs us pretty damn bad.” They walk out.

We see what Maxwell was talking about when construction workers take down part of the fence around the prison. Norma sees this and is amazed. She runs to the hole in the fence. When the other prisoners see her running, they realize there’s a hole in the fence and no guards around. When the construction workers see that all the prisoners are running out, they become scared about messing up and drive away. Luschek hasn’t walked out but after taking a look around the yard, he says, “Nope” and walks back inside. One young guard who stayed actually attempts to stop the women, but they just run past him.

The extended scene of everyone in the lake is beautiful and gives us so many great relationship moments, as everyone gets caught up in the beauty of this moment and puts aside feuds. Big Boo, Pennsatucky, Leanne and Angie all play chicken together. Poussey floats over to Brook and brushes hands with her. I so badly hope we get a lot of them in Season 4. Cindy gets her mikvah.

In the final scene, we see a group of new prisoners arrive. Well, that was the season. It was a mixed bag. I’m excited for Season 4 if it means more interactions between Poussey/Brook and Suzanne/Maureen. Make it happen, Orange Is the New Black!

Photo Courtesy of Netflix

About Lenny

Lenny Burnham is a TV blogger and co-host of the podcasts Secret Lover and Rerunning Wild, available on iTunes. Follow Lenny on Twitter @lennyburnham.