Orange Is the New Black: Little Mustachioed Shit

oitnb-210

THE ANIMAL THE ANIMAL TRAP TRAP TRAP TIL THE CAGE IS FULL THE CAGE IS FULL THE DAY IS NEW AND EVERYONE’S WAITING WAITING ON YOU AND YOU’VE GOT TIME THINK OF ALL THE ROADS THINK OF ALL THEIR CROSSINGS TAKING STEPS IS EASY STANDING STILL IS HARD REMEMBER ALL THEIR FACES REMEMBER ALL THEIR VOICES EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT…THE SECOND TIME AROUND AND YOOOOOU’VE GOT TIIIIIIIII-IIIIIME AND YOU’VE GOT TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME

This week’s Orange is the New Black episode is “Little Mustachioed Shit” and they just start right off the bat with a flashback showing us Piper writhing while Alex grabs her breast and goes down on her. Oh my! I never feel more like a stuffy, easily shocked grandparent than when I’m watching this show. Piper offers to reciprocate but admits that she’s never done it before. Alex responds with, “What kind of lesbian are you?” Oh, Alex. Oh, all of Piper’s partners on this show. Alex and Larry sitting in a tree B-I E-R-A-S-I-N-G. However this line of questioning gives us Piper’s fantastic response, “The boob touching kind.” Alex gets up for a minute and a woman walks in and attacks Piper. She turns out to be Alex’s girlfriend. Okay, so maybe there were some red flags with Alex early on. No reason for Piper not to join her drug smuggling ring, right? Piper gets so mad she storms off before she’s even found both her shoes. Alex says that she can’t walk home without her shoes because they’re nice shoes. Piper says, “They’re from Marshalls. Fuck you,” which is maybe the most Piper line Piper has ever had.

Back in the present, Piper returns from furlough and Red asks her how it went. She responds, “Awkward conversations with old people, bad cheese plates, a funeral, a wedding?, malt liquor.” That prompted me to have this gchat conversation:

gchat-oitnb

Red asks her if she had time to stop by her old shop. Piper says that she did. Instead of admitting that the business is completely shut down, she tells Red that it looked great and that there was even a line going outside. Red is so happy. It’s sad.

Piper finds out she got a letter from Alex but she hasn’t read it yet. Nicky asks her about it and does a fabulous impression of Alex in the process. Piper says she’s not reading it “because that’s exactly what she wants!” Nicky points out that, yes, that is what people want when they send a piece of correspondence.

Morello unexpectedly gets a visitor. When she goes into visitation, she finds out that the visitor is Christopher and he yells — loudly — about how he knows she broke into his home and she needs to stay away from him and his wife. I want to make this very clear: he is obviously in the right here. What he went through is horrifying and Morello’s actions were awful at just about every step. But through the magic of storytelling, you really feel bad for Morello. She ends up sobbing next to Nicky, who is full of concern for her. She desperately asks Nicky if she hates her. Nicky tells her, “I don’t hate you. It’s getting clearer every second that you’re totally batshit crazy, but you’re a beautiful sweet girl.” Morello says that nobody’s going to love her and Nicky immediately says, “I do.” Between this show and The Fosters I’ve recapped two episodes this week where someone expresses that they think no one will ever love them and someone responds, without hesitation, with “I do.” Both times it was a reminder of why I love these shows. I love watching these hesitance-free outpourings of compassion. Nicky is a character I’ve gone back and forth on a lot — I love Natasha Lyonne’s charisma and her quick one-liners, but I haven’t always thought she has as much substance as other characters on the show. This is a reminder of what makes Nicky special: at the end of the day, she likes everyone. She’s not a total enabler or a blind optimist, she clearly sees faults. But for whatever reason, she doesn’t really care. She was the one who told Red had to get her girls back. She chimed in with Poussey’s problem even though they weren’t really friends. Her first interaction with Piper this season was her telling Piper that it would matter if she died simply because she tickles her. Earlier in this very episode she told Piper not to hold a grudge against Alex because “everyone lies to everyone.” She’s far from being “nice” in any saccharine sort of way but forgiveness, acceptance and compassion seem to come naturally to her. And that is most obvious here, in her quick, easy “I do” to Morello when she desperately needed to hear that someone loves her.

The episode ends with Caputo confronting Mendez because he thinks he’s the one who got Diaz pregnant. Mendez finds out he’s being arrested. As she’s being led out of the prison by police offers, he yells to Diaz, “I love this woman! You hear me, that is my baby in there and I fucking love you. I’m gonna call it Stan, okay? Don’t lift anything heavy and no tuna fish or soft cheese!” Poor Diaz.

Photo Courtesy of Netflix

About Lenny

Lenny Burnham is a TV blogger and co-host of the podcasts Secret Lover and Rerunning Wild, available on iTunes. Follow Lenny on Twitter @lennyburnham.