Nashville: Unguarded Moments

Nashville

Juliette is gone, but N​ashville c​ontinues to soldier on this week as we dive into the deep, dark world of … teenagers. That’s right, the children are our future and they took center stage in this week’s incredibly boring episode of N​ashville. L​et’s get some answers on this nonsense before we all fall asleep from how dull the majority of this episode was.

So is it still true that Jeff fell off the roof of a building to his death?

Yep! And if you were expecting much follow­up on that these next few weeks, you are not going to get it because apparently this is the start of a series of episodes where Aubrey Peeples went off to film something even worse than N​ashville — the J​em and the Holograms film! Since Hayden Panettiere is also gone for an untold number of episodes to complete rehab, everyone who would be dramatically impacted by this death is gone. Except Colt, but who cares about Colt?

Seriously, who cares about the children?

The major plotline of this week’s N​ashville​ was “Maddie wants her mom to stop being so overprotective!!” and it was about as interesting as every fight every teenager has with their parental figures. And by that, I mean it was super annoying and eventually I started wondering if I could fast forward through it and still maintain my integrity. I didn’t, Maddie and Daphne are signed to their mom’s label, everything’s dumb and nobody is happy. The end.

At least Deacon didn’t cry about Beverly for 43 minutes?

Sure, Maddie’s drama is annoying, but it gave us all the great favor of derailing Deacon from the St. Beverly 2015 tour and for that I am thankful.

Did Gunnar’s roadie sex buddy really have t​o Brian Williams her resume ​just so that the writers can prove that they were not meant to be?

I think we knew that they were not meant to be as soon as she was all “I’m not into relationships!” five episodes ago and then Gunnar stalked her into she was into it. I think we knew that they were not meant to be as soon as she was a person who was not Scarlett. But you know, make her a terrible, inexperienced liar on top of all that! Drive that point home!

At least, Gunnar is getting some on this tour?

Because who doesn’t love a runner about the wild and crazy sex he is having! That’s not hacky and overplayed at all! Let’s just all be thankful we don’t share a wall with him like poor Scarlett does. We are #blessed.

lukesbrand

What’s going on with Luke’s Brand?

Apparently, this plotline is going to still be A Thing, so I guess I have to make a new weekly segment for these reviews: What’s Going on With Luke’s Brand, where we pretend to care about what is happening with Luke’s brand.

This week, Luke wants to bang the random lady who started this brand nonsense in the first place. And he’s doing so! And it’s going great! Except for the part where dating a random lady co­worker would be bad for his brand. Since we care so much about Luke’s Brand, Luke decides that they’ll just have to bang in secret. They cry about it. It’s sad.

Because he’s an A+ father of the year, Luke also decides that the only person who will get to know about the secret banging is his son, Colt, who definitely is not crumbling under the pressure of keeping all of these secrets for Luke’s Brand! I feel like it’s all smooth sailing from here!

And that’s what’s up with Luke’s Brand.

will-sad-again

What’s Will sad about this week?

Let’s not forget the OG weekly review segment: What’s Will Sad About This Week? where we determine what made Will sad in this week’s episode of N​ashville.

This week Will was sad because he was still dealing with all the emotions he’s feeling as a result of being dumped by Kevin. He’s decided to channel that into songwriting! Avery, his new best friend, is like “Bro, your songs are awesome! You should perform them!” Will is like “No, I will not perform them! They are terrible and I hate them and I am sad!” So even after Avery signs them up to perform at the Bluebird, Will decides to flee because he is sad.

Avery then proceeds to sing the song and cry because it is too real. The whole audience of the Bluebird cries because of how sad the song was, and Will is now a brilliant songwriter who can properly display how sad he is through music.

That’s why Will was sad this week.

How much would I love it if this entire show was Avery crying interposed with a montage of his happy moments with Juliette?

I would love it so much more. It might trick me into loving this show unreservedly again. I am an easily manipulated mushy sap.

So … Marcus and Rayna are flirting or?

Zzzzzzzzzzz. It’s a plot contrivance to make Deacon jealous and I don’t care. It’s boring. Marcus is boring. If Riley Smith can’t handle my boredom with his character, he is free to block me just like Laura Benanti did.

Who is ready for Deacon’s downward spiral over his C​heers b​ar?

The words “dry drunk” were uttered in this episode as a description of Deacon’s current state, and if I learned anything from R​eal Housewives of Beverly Hills S​eason 5, it’s that the words “dry drunk” mean that Deacon is going to be drinking paint thinner and stealing $600 worth of items worth of crap from Target any day now. We’ve all got two weeks to prepare ourselves for the meltdown. I am worried it might not be enough.

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About Kacey

Kacey is well-known (in her own mind) for her amazing ability to sit through her bad pop culture, her endless love for made-for-TV Christmas movies and her endless quest to be the sassy sidekick in somebody's romantic comedy. You can follow her on twitter at @kaceybange and see her other pop culture writing at POPCULTURECRAZY.