In Chapter 3 of Jane the Virgin, Jane put the brakes on a pre-marital sexcapade with Michael … and he decided to move the wedding up to next week. GULP.
In Chapter 4, Jane is struggling with her glowing, er, growing feelings for Rafael and fighting off panic about the impending nuptials.
Get Out of My Dreams … and Magazines
Everyone in Jane’s life is laser focused on the wedding planning (food trucks, reception songs, dresses), but she’s being haunted by daytime AND nighttime visions of Rafael. In her waking hours, he’s giving her come-hither stares from the pages of her wedding magazines. In her dreams, he pops up under the covers with decidedly non-PG intentions. When Jane shares her confusing feelings with her mother, Xiomara advises her to stay away from Rafael and keep her sexy dreams a secret from Michael.
But things go awry at a very awkward pre-cana – Catholic pre-wedding marriage counseling by a priest who the writers cleverly point out via super ‘has never been married’. First the Father launches into a misguided speech comparing marriage to a wild ride in an ATV. It should be noted that this diatribe will not help Jane and Michael tie the knot successfully, but they’ll be very prepared for any off-roading they plan to do on their honeymoon. Then he asks if the couple has already encountered difficulties in their relationship and Jane and Michael bring up the milkshake in the room. The priest asks Jane about any physical connection with the father of the baby and she reluctantly confesses to the nocturnal fantasy. Michael flips out. Fantastic special guest appearance by Tony Plana – veteran of the last successful telenovela adaptation, Ugly Betty!
The Halo Effect
Jane makes a valiant effort to keep her distance from Rafael, but it doesn’t help that a shimmering halo appears over his head when she sees him. Is there anything more enticing than an angel with a hard body and sparkling smile? Jane tries to stay away … but he ropes her into writing an article about the hotel. She tries to stay away again … and ends up sopping wet in the shallow end of the pool with an equally soaked Rafael laughing and gently pushing her hair out of her eyes. Oh dear.
If definitely needs to be noted that the scene with Jane and Rafael in the pool is the cutest TV moment in recent history. Jane backed towards the pool to avoid temptation, but fell in instead. Rafael, her chivalrous knight, dove into to save her … from drowning in four feet of water. Best exchange ever.
Jane: I’m fine. It’s 4 feet Baywatch!
Rafael: I’m sorry, I didn’t know if you could swim.
Jane: But you knew I could stand right?
The chemistry was crackling between the two parents-to-be – sweet, romantic and wonderfully natural.
Words of Passion
But what will save Jane from dirty thoughts of Rafael and reassure Michael that her dirtiest thoughts are reserved only for him? Writing an extremely erotic letter to Michael is a pretty good start. Those who can’t do it … put it on paper. Jane sits down and types her loins out, biting her lip and wiping the sweat off her brow as her fingers fly over words like “wet” and “mouth”.
Naturally, things get royally screwed up when Jane attempts to deliver her epic sex sonnet to her sweetie. She accidentally slips the article about the hotel into Michael’s bag and sends her X-rated letter to Rafael’s office. Jane shuffle runs over there as fast as her high heels will take her, but her halo man has already been exposed to the contents. Rafael diplomatically praises Jane for her talent with ‘vivid detail’ but puts the kibosh on a ‘carnal scenario’ between the two of them. He nearly passes out from relief when Jane interrupts him to explain the mix-up and he tells her that he thinks of her as a sister. And just like that the halo disappears and Jane sees things clearly again. Nothing ruins a sexual fantasy faster than a blow to the ego.
Suspect Behaviour
Jane realizes her biggest problem isn’t an infatuation with Rafael, but a growing distance between her and Michael. Since she became pregnant he’s been moody, snippy, preoccupied and secretive. She chalks it up to his negative feelings about the baby and his fears that she’ll end up keeping it. And those things have certainly impacted his behaviour. But when Michael realizes that a life without Jane would be much worse than a life with Jane and another man’s baby, he tracks her down during a wedding dress fitting to woo her back. In an adorable back-to-back romantic moment (to preserve the ‘groom must not see wedding dress’ tradition) Michael professes his devotion. Even if Jane does end up keeping the baby, he’s all in.
It’s a sweet declaration and all, but we viewers know that Jane’s problems with Michael are much larger than she realizes. How can they bridge the distance between them when he’s still covering up evidence in a murder and conspiring with Petra to keep her affair (and nasty disposition) a secret?
The truth nearly came out when the police issued a warrant for Petra’s arrest but Michael pushed them in a new direction at the very last moment. He discovered a hole-in-the-wall at the murder scene that pointed to a suspect dressed as a bellboy. The evidence is compelling, but there is something severely wrong with Michael’s cop buddies if they don’t suspect him of something sinister at this point! He has gone to such ridiculous lengths to keep Petra out of the investigation. Even if he believed she was innocent any normal cop would want her at least taken in for questioning to find out what she knows. Can you imagine NOT questioning the secret mistress of a guy who was just murdered??? If I were on Michael’s squad I’d be betting on him as a murder suspect this point. Geez!
Sweet Dreams
Jane may be out of lust with Rafael (for now) but we haven’t seen the last of sweaty fantasies on this series. Rafael’s logical side might see Jane as a sister, but that’s not what his subconscious is telling him. Now he’s the one waking up in shock, racked with unwanted nocturnal desires. I’m guessing Jane’s talent in erotic letter writing might have a little something to do with his amorous feelings.
Who’s Your Daddy?
With the wedding moved up to the very next week, Xiomara should be preparing to come clean about Jane’s telenovela father. She can’t cost Jane her one chance to have her dad at her wedding. But she’s too busy fuming at Rogelio when she finds his sexy ex-wife / manager lounging in his trailer and discovers that her ‘personalized’ bracelet actually fell into the gift basket by accident. XO means hugs and kisses for the sexy ex-wife, not Xiomara.
Sidenote: Who is working security on this TV set?! How do people keep waltzing up to a mega TV star’s trailer? Seriously! If this is how the world actually works, I’m heading over to the Hart of Dixie set right now to chill with Wilson Bethel. Then I’m going to go ask Chris Messina at The Mindy Project for a private strip tease. If only.
Rogelio can’t offer Xiomara a committed relationship, but at least he’s up front about it. “You cannot expect to be the only woman to whom I give the carnal gift of Rogelio.” Fair point. But she will always have a special place in his life because she’s the mother of his only child … that he knows of. He brings over a new bracelet inscribed “To the beautiful mother of my daughter”.
And yet, Xiomara is still dragging her feet, terrified that if she reveals the truth Jane will hate her. There were some great flashbacks that explored the bond between mother and daughter and how Xiomara struggled to give Jane details about her father while she was growing up.
It’s Rogelio’s growing desperation to connect with his daughter that finally forces the big reveal. He spends all this free time hanging out at Jane’s hotel, ordering iced tea and asking inappropriate questions about her personal life. To his clueless daughter, he’s starting to look less like a charming telenovela star and more like a creepy stalker. When he attempts to spy on Jane’s wedding dress fitting — in full costume no less — he attracts a mob and has to duck inside the store for safety. With no excuses left, Xiomara finally allows him to reveal his true identity to Jane. But there’s no joy in this moment. Jane isn’t happy to learn who her father is or ready to embrace him. All she understands is that her mother – her best friend in the whole world – has lied to her for her entire life. Jane kicks her whole family out of the store and dissolves into tears. It’s a gut wrenching, heartbreaking moment. Gina Rodriguez, who is always spectacular, just killed me in this scene. My heart was torn to shreds by the pain and betrayal on Jane’s face!
Conned
Jane isn’t the only one who receives a major shock. Rafael is thrown for a loop when his father brings in a former rival, Lachlan, to supervise the hotel business. Not only did Lachlan beat him out for a promotion back when Rafael was more interested in partying than boardrooms, but he used to be engaged to Petra. Rafael enlists Petra’s help in a scheme to undermine Lachlan. She pretends to give him details about an expansion deal Rafael has been working on and Lachlan calls a board meeting to bring up the proposal first. Unfortunately it’s a major dud and Rafael swoops in with a far more impressive presentation. Lachlan is pissed, but Petra is the one completely blindsided when Rafael thanks her for her help, then unceremoniously dumps her for sleeping with Zaz. Ouch.
Czech it Out
But Petra (or is Natalia?) may have bigger problems than a failed marriage. She meets a shady stranger in a parking garage and complains in Czech that he nearly got her arrested for Zazo’s murder. All he cares about is the money she owes him and he makes it clear that he’s not done with her yet. Well, well, well Petra, what is this double identity all about?
Favourite Quotes
OH MY GOD there were so many brilliant ones in this episode it’s hard to know where to start. Besides the ones I’ve already quoted in the recap, here are a few that really tickled me.
Xiomara: How did you know where to find me?
Rogelio: 4 Square. You check in everywhere
Jane (to Rogelio): “You’re not going to kidnap me and hold me for ransom in a cave quickly filling with water are you?”
Xiomara: Should I also tell her that this international superstar has his ex-wife send gift baskets to women he’s had sex with?
Rogelio: I would ask that you do not.
Photo Courtesy of The CW