Vampire Diaries: Memorial

One day a crazy hunter came to church, shot the Mayor’s son, gutted the Pastor’s daughter, woke Bad Ass Damon and took on all the vampires. Oh indeed, there was likely a shortage of pie, ice cream, cake and bourbon in the world with fans aiming to cope with the aftermath of The Vampire Diaries‘ “Memorial” last Thursday. It was one of my absolute favourite episodes of all four seasons. So without further ado, let us on with the review!

Show Stealer

“What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. And a rock with a birth date carved into it that I’m pretty sure is wrong. So thanks, friend. I shouldn’t be here to babysit, I should be long gone by now. I didn’t get the girl, remember? I’m just stuck here fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big.”

“I miss you too, buddy”

Damon’s scene at Alaric’s grave was one of the best performances I have seen from actor Ian Somerhalder in all four seasons of this show. A bottle of bourbon in his hand and his heart on his sleeve, Damon was sarcastic and annoyed and so obviously wounded by the loss  of Alaric. Having Matt Davis appear as Alaric’s spirit (unbeknownst to Damon) to hear Damon’s chat with the headstone tipped the emotional scale right over and I could hardly see my screen by the time the credits were rolling. Show so stolen.

More Applause Triggers

Damon One-Liners. ALL of them. Oh how I have missed this Damon. So happy to have you, your hair, and your bourbon-swigging smart-ass back! *kisses and kisses and kisses and…* Sorry, where was I? Oh right, the review! A moment to reflect on some of his memorable moments:

“If I was going to kill twelve people I wouldn’t blow them up. I’d have a dinner party.”

“Am I wearing my ‘I blew up the Council’ t-shirt?

“You better hope she’s not a friend of Bambi.”

“Damon, Germaphobe.”

“Well, enjoy your stay. We love visitors and the scenery is to die for. *gasp* Funeral pun too soon?”

“You name me one [vampire] that went on a bunny diet and didn’t kill dozens!”

“It happens to the best of us at least once. We get over it, Stefan, in a hundred years or so.”

The Idea of Sex in the Woods with Stefan Makes Elena Puke. Okay maybe that thought wasn’t exactly what made her throw up, but the look on Stefan’s face when she abruptly bolted from their amorous activity to puke Bambi blood was worth it all the same. Also, poor Bambi. *Elena tear, sniff, sniff, nom, nom, nom*

“You’re a vampire, Elena. Be a vampire.” Damon is absolutely right, Stefan. Elena IS a vampire and she will never be able to learn to control the bloodlust if she doesn’t experience the bloodlust. Besides, you yourself said Elena is strong. And she is. Four seasons of this show has proven it over and over. She also has awesome friends like Caroline to get her through the really tough spots. It is Elena’s eternal life, dude. Let her live it.

“Nobody thought fire would be a little inappropriate?” SO TRUE. I nearly choked on a popcorn kernel laughing out loud at Matt’s reaction to Student Council’s plan to light up paper lanterns after the memorial for the twelve people who died in the explosion.

Welcome Home, April Young! Poor April shows up for one episode and gets orphaned, stabbed, nearly bled to death, almost eaten and then brainwashed. Wow, that girl is NEVER going to go to church again. Super applause to April for being a very believable and for furthering The Plot.

“That seat’s taken.” Ah Damon, not even Elena can replace Alaric. Team Blood and Beer Forever xo *sniff, sniff, sip, sip*

“It’s kind of … personal.” Elena fed on Damon but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t the only one leaving that bathroom satisfied. *so so so so much applause*

“If we stopped having sex every time somebody died in this town, we’d explode.” Ha. This line was hilarious. Insensitive, perhaps; but hilarious.

Hi, I’m Connor Jordan *extends Hand of Doom* The dude secretly investigates the farmhouse explosion, shoots Tyler TWICE, guts poor April Young at her own father’s funeral and leaves her bleeding to death in the balcony so he can suss out the local vamps. Oh did I mention he comes armed with a Hunter Home on Wheels (makes sense), Custom-Carved Wooden Bullets with Spooky Not-Magical-Writing Markings that zap you when you touch them, a vervain-laced Hand of Doom, and an Elaborate Invisible Tattoo of Super Significant Yet Still Secret Significance? Oh yes, he does indeed! Nasty super interesting mysterious dude that me thinks is no average hunter, folks. Really enjoyed his debut in Mystic Falls. *Super applause!*

Speaking of the Elaborate Invisible Tattoo of Super Serious Yet Still Secret Significance … Connor’s tattoo seemed to look like roots of a tree which I find interesting since a white oak has profound significance in our vampire mythology. The markings in the circle (almost a fire-ball, sun-symbol perhaps) were like those on his custom-carved wooden bullets. Since Bonnie has said the markings are not magical writing, I am now all kinds of curious as to what they mean, what can they do and the meaning/origin of the tattoo itself.

Grief Counselor Vampire Elena checks Grieving Victim April’s Pulse … with her handy-dandy vampire senses FINALLY.

“She drank from you? Oops did I say that out loud” Yes, Damon, you did. And thank you. Someone had to shush Saint Stefan.

Projectile Blood Vomit. This scene was fantastic. I just about lost my lunch watching it. Very well done, everyone! *applause, applause between stomach wrenches* P.S. Damon would have so held her hair back for her if he had’ve been there sooner. Stefan, meh, not so much.

“I don’t know why that always makes me smile.” I laughed right out loud at Damon dipping his fingers into the Holy Water and walking up the aisle in the church here. Nice nod to the no-vampires-in-church rule of world vampire mythology, Writers.

“You have ten seconds before I go old-fashioned on the new guy.” When April’s blood started wafting through the congregation, Damon took charge and stayed cool, willing to expose himself as a vampire to save Elena and the others from exposure; but especially Elena.

“If he shows his face, I’m going to kick his ass.” Team Caroline Super Cheer!

“Feed from me.” I knew Matt would be Elena’s first feed, I KNEW IT. Gonna toast that one, Stefan? Pick up your jaw, Damon *smirk, smirk.* Matt Donovan proves there’s hope for humanity He is the noblest, most selfless, most genuine, bravest one ever. Way to pay it forward, Matty!

Tyler takes one for the Team. Tyler going up to the pulpit to draw out Connor, who totally falls for it and shoots him – allowed for his friends to escape safely in the panicking crowd. Team Tyler t-shirts for everyone! *applause, applause*

“The whole town just watched you get shot. I’m calling an ambulance.” Wait, what?! Did Carol Lockwood just do something super smart to protect her supernatural offspring? WHOA. This show is ALWAYS throwing curve balls at us. *stunned applause*

“She’s an orphan, just like you. And she’s scared, just like you were. She needs you. You can make her forget all of this.” If ever vampires ever try the whole living compatibly with humans thing a shot, they will elect Caroline Forbes as their leader *MAJOR pom-poms and applause* Ironic, that Stefan helped her through her transition originally. Maybe he should have written about the experience so he could reflect back and find a better way to help Elena. We should totally buy him a diary for Christmas and encourage him to take up journal writing. Oh wait …

“Her bag is now much heavier/I wish that I could carry her/But this is our ungodly hour.” One of my favourite songs by the band The Fray played through this moving scene with our gang gathered to light Memorial Lanterns. Found it very powerful. *much applause* But I do not care how true Stefan’s speech might’ve been; I refuse to give any credit to him for my enjoyment of this scene whatsoever because I’m still not speaking him. (See Fang Triggers for details.)

Fang Triggers

“Bonnie, I know you’re in there. I can hear you breathing.” And yet you claim to not have heard Elena vomiting blood these past few days …

“If you were a normal vampire, these would have killed you.” Um, didn’t Connor shoot Damon with the same gun and bullets in the church parking lot? *confused fang-snap!*

Dear Saint Stefan, BITE ME. You’re mad at Elena, really? REALLY? Let’s have a look-see, shall we? After the traumatic events at church, you take Elena home only to berate her about not telling you she was getting sick (which actually she did but you were so buzzed on Champagne Denial to listen), and about her going to Damon for help and not thinking you would understand and for the hell you are going through because she is and  blah blah blah poor Saint Stefan. Oh and let’s not forget mad because she fed on Damon which is completely fair from you because Elena has NO IDEA what it means to a vampire (which BTW Stefan, you know that she doesn’t). So there I was watching poor Elena cry in guilt and confusion because your feelings were hurt. Are you kidding me?! THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, you selfish son of a Salvatore! Where do you get off with such behaviour, Mr. Certainly-didn’t-tell-Elena-Everything-When-He-Was-Struggling-with-his-Vampirism. Ripper ring any bells? *vampire head smack* Oh and my favourite portion of the evening – you went on to blame her bawling her eyes out on her heightened vampire emotions and thought you would make it all better with a lantern lighting ceremony, not an apology or anything because THAT would never work. I do believe this may be the most pissed off and nauseous you have ever made me, Stefan Salvatore, in all four seasons! *MAJOR FANG-SNAP* *preps defensive weapons; can smell Team Stefan’s torches coming up the front drive*

Dear Carol, Welcome to the Worst Role Model in a Parental Figure Club, Love Liz. Why? Hanging out downstairs, answering the door, etc, etc. while Tyler and Caroline are upstairs having wild grief sex. Um …

“Girlfriend got a little carried away.” Really Vampire Diaries? Matt walking around publicly with a big bandage on his neck after all the hunter chaos seemed pretty foolish.

“Did you bring the blood bag?” Elena drinks from a hospital blood bag under a tree just outside the church in broad daylight and throws it all back up and no one notices. Um …

Brewing on the Brain…

The Secret Letter in the Stove Trick. How did Connor Jordan know to look for it? What does it mean to him?

Why didn’t Stefan go with Elena to the Mystic Grill to talk to Damon about the news that the council members were blown up?

Bonnie is locking herself up away from everyone grieving Grams. Why did Stefan have to ask to come in; did Bonnie respell the house against vampires?

“Nice ink.” How come Jeremy could see tattoos on Connor but no one else could? By the look on Connor’s face, this is significant.

What does blood sharing mean to a vampire?

Does Elena compelling April mean April will also forget the fact that Connor bled her for bait? How is April going to rationalize her wound?

Why did no one grieve for Elena (other than herself) or Caroline at the Lantern Lighting?

There you have it, Diaries fans: “Memorial” raved, ranted, and reviewed. Now it’s your turn! Hit the comments section below and tell us what you thought of the episode.

Photo Courtesy of The CW