Quick question: why are all fairies British? Sorry, I know that’s not really relevant to the plot of this episode, but it’s really been bugging me. Are fairies like humans, and there are all different nationalities? Did the Brits colonize Fairy World without telling us? That seems like something they would want to brag about. Maybe fairies are like all ancient Romans in that they’re just always British when portrayed on television. Anyway, accent rant aside, there was a fair amount of fairies in this week’s episode of True Blood, which I was less than thrilled about, but it did give us a somewhat interesting lead on the who-killed-Sookie’s-parents mystery. Also, I’m gonna be honest, there was a point when I was like, “Wait, is this The Vampire Diaries? Which show am I watching?” I mean, the parents’ death on the bridge in the rain was so TVD for a second I got confused, thinking all my memories of both shows had blurred together. Not that that’s a bad thing. I wish my biggest problem was that my brain had reached its full capacity for ridiculously attractive vampires and werewolves and their respective backstories and love interests.
I know I complained about the lack of romance in last week’s episode, and this one was definitely closer to my preferred ratio of love to plot development. There was a heartbreaking scene between Lafayette and Jesus, who appeared in the car and held out his hand to his distraught lover. (That part really got to me.) Luna and Sam had some really beautiful, tender moments too, which were no less adorable with Luna stuck in the form of Sam. Another surprisingly googly-eyed couple in this episode was Steve and Russell. It sort of makes sense in a completely nonsensical way. Steve wants to hitch his wagon to whoever has the most power, and Russell wants a sycophantic lapdog to travel the world with. Was it just me, or did Russell seem totally over this whole “Lilith’s plan” thing? Salome was trying to get them to focus on the next step in annihilating the mainstreamers, but Russell was too busy making eyes at Steve and planning their next exotic destination—complete with Asian male masseurs!
We were lucky enough to get a generous sex scene between Alcide and his new maybe-girlfriend, which featured plenty of Joe Manganiello’s naked tush (as every show should). Sadly for Alcide, this episode was all downhill from there for him. His fight with J.D. for the title of packmaster did not go as he had hoped. Also, I guess none of the wolves have cable? Because they all seemed really excited to watch their friends fight each other. They were whooping and hollering and fist-pumping like it was the werewolf Super Bowl. (I guess for them it kind of is…) They should seriously consider taking up a group hobby, like rugby or charades.
J.D. announced that their prey in this testosterone-fueled competition would not be the usual animal target, but a college student instead. Obviously Alcide was not okay with this, because he’s a Good Guy, and he would forfeit the challenge before he would kill an innocent person. Which, incidentally, is exactly what he did. But then J.D. was like, “JK I’m gonna kill this kid anyway just cuz I can.” And then there was a scuffle between J.D. and Alcide, and J.D. almost killed him, but then he just kicked Alcide out of the pack instead. Wow, b.f.d., jerkface. Alcide just joined your pack like a month ago, so you really think he’s going to cry himself to sleep because he got disowned? Yeah, right. I’m guessing Alcide and his girlfriend will start their own pack, and when it comes time for the annual Werewolves of Louisiana Pageant, their float will be a hundred times better than the Shreveport pack’s! (Side note: I would totally watch a show about competitive inter-werewolf float-building.)
Sookie spent the episode making a scene at the fairy nightclub they visited and forging a psychic link with the vampire who killed her parents. So, the usual basically. Jason stopped her from draining all her fairy power by pointing out the few advantages to being part fae—she got to talk to Gram on the Other Side, and she might be able to use her powers to wreak vengeance on the vampire that killed their parents. It was another surprisingly awesome (and real) moment for Jason this season. Unfortunately it also led us back to the uppity British fairies (ugh). They helped Sookie tap into her mom’s memory of the night of her death, but then Sookie got stuck in the vampire’s mind instead. (It was super creepy.) Her high-strung fairy cousin (or is he just a fairy family friend? I can’t keep track anymore…) seemed extremely upset about the whole thing, which in hindsight was actually valid, considering Sookie got a special visit from the disembodied spirit of “Warlow” the vampire in her bathroom at the end of the episode. So yeah, really glad we poked that bear. Way to go, Team Stackhouse.
At least Sookie is getting into trouble on her own these days, since Bill and Eric are too busy getting in deeper and deeper over their heads with this whole Russell-Salome-Lilith thing. I can’t tell if Bill is really drinking the Kool-Aid (or human blood, as it were), or if he’s just pretending to go along with Salome and Nora’s agenda to try to find a way to thwart it. He did seem genuinely concerned about the woman that Salome wanted him to drink, but then he did it anyway, so who knows? Poor Eric must feel like he’s up a creek without a paddle. He’s surrounded by lunatics, all of whom have converted to Lilith-ism after getting high on her blood and having a vision of her during their smorgasbord. (Or was it more than just a vision?) Eric tried to help Nora see reason, telling her about his vision of Godric and how disgusted he was by their actions. But Nora had the nerve to call Godric weak, saying that he was blasphemer in his later days. And with that, our hatred of Nora became completely justified. (Not that it wasn’t before, but now we have a real reason to hate her other than that she’s an annoying Rachel Weisz wannabe with weird lips.) Eric looked like she’d punched him in the gut, but he had promised Godric he would protect her, even if it was from her own misguided extremism. I’m not sure how he plans to deprogram her, or if it she’s beyond saving. I hope Eric can handle these freaks because it looks like he just lost his sidekick, Boring Bill, to the other side. I’m assuming Bill is playing along as part of some master(-fully stupid) plan, but in the meantime, Eric could really use a dose of sanity.
In other news, Hoyt saved Jessica from his new hate group buddies, culminating in a heartbreaking but honest scene between the former lovers in which Jessica told him that she wished she still loved him, but it just wasn’t there. In a dramatic séance, Lafayette channeled the spirit of Zaafira, the woman who Terry killed, and she refused to lift her Ifrit curse unless either Terry or Patrick killed the other one. Tara got to have some sweet revenge on a former classmate courtesy of Pam and her chain-equipped basement. Lastly, who can tell me who was the second Veronica Mars alumni (well, technically third, since Nelsan Ellis appeared in an episode of VM) to show up on this season of True Blood? If you guessed James Jordan, who plays Ray, one of the douchebags in the vampire hate group, congratulations! Jordan played slimy T.A. Tim Foyle in Season 3 of VM, as well as Lucky the mentally unstable war vet in Season 2. Well there you have it. You know it’s a good episode when it features at least two former Veronica Mars actors and Joe Manganiello’s naked butt. It totally makes up for Bill’s more-awful-than-usual flashback hair.
Photo Courtesy of HBO
Lelia is a Level 5 Laser Lotus who specializes in TV shows that either have been or are about to be canceled. She is the co-creator of 
