If you’re going to go turning teachers back into slayers and werewolves into mountain zombies not to mention go revealing family curses to loved ones in a terrifying manner, filling the script with epic memorable one-liners, bringing ALLL the Teams to the party AND suggesting there may some ass-kicking of a certain insufferable martyr in the near future, don’t be surprised when I go and fall in freaking love with your whole fantastic episode.
So without further ado, let us on with the review.
This episode’s Show Stealer gets it for ringing the Shocker Bell so hard my teeth are still vibrating. For all of 30 seconds she showed up in the final scene, said one word and DING! – stole the whole show. Not that I would have expected anything less from her. Well done, Caroline.
“Binge drinking on the country folk”. Say what you want about Damon Salvatore but he probably utters 96 % of your Most Memorable All-Time Favourite Lines from The Vampire Diaries. Like this beauty. Love him: you know you want to.
Move Over Lizzie, Carol’s after your Mystic Mother of the Year Award. Let’s see … spiking your son’s hot coffee with the vervain you just shot his girlfriend with, lying about were said girlfriend went (because you chained her to a chair in your crypty-dungeon cellar) and then calling in the Vampire Hunter Council for backup. Throw in some irresponsible supervision of minors, a few dark family secrets, and a decision to forsake all tradition and protect Team Supernatural anyway and you just might have it, Carol! Oh, wait …
What Elena Wants, Elena Knows How to Get. Despite their protests, both Damon and Alaric really didn’t stand a chance against this Baby Gilbert and I loved it. Elena knew exactly which buttons to push on both of them to manipulate their aid to achieve her goal of getting up that blasted Mountain of Inevitable Peril to save her beloved Ripper. Go Team E!
Baby, it’s still a blood thang. Learning Ray and The Doomed Pack had to drink human blood to complete the transition into Hybrids totally fed my mythology junkie. I love when that happens. *nom, nom, applause, applause*
“Okay, who’s next?” The Fangs, Blood and Glowy Eyes Look beautifully becomes you, Klaus. Puleeease got out like that more often.
Mystic Grill Matt sans his Mystic Grill Matt Shirt in the Mystic Grill. Almost as delicious as 00Donovan in a suit … almost. Do not even try to fathom my logic.
“Is this like the kind of thing you need another person for?” If you didn’t smirk, didn’t spit your beverage or didn’t have the slightest inkling to delve into the less-than-well-behaved recesses of your mind when Matt said this to Tyler, then I don’t even know fandom anymore.
00Donovan & Young Helsing. I love that Matt and Jeremy are already getting a compelling story arc of their own this season and that it revolves around Ghosty Vampire Vicki. Considering the mayhem that ensued the last time some Mystic Falls teens decided to contact the spirit world, I’m DYING to see where this goes.
“That’s what vervain tastes like?” Loved the twist of the accidental reveal here by Matt leading Tyler to realize what Mama Lockwood was up to earlier that morning. Nicely done, Writers *applause*
Back up plans, wolfsbane grenades & keeping the humans safe. Now that’s a scruffy boy scout/vampire slayer/whiskey-drinking all-round lost cause I can fall back in love with. Welcome back, Alaaaric *HUGE welcome back … um … handshake*
Stubborn Relentless Baby Gilberts. Writing that is almost as much fun as saying it. Whoever comes up with the killer one-liners in this show should have their brain bronzed. Best descript of the Gilbert ever. Somebody needs to get this on some merchandise, STAT.
Stubborn Hottie Vampire Super-Tosses Stubborn Baby Gilbert. Cue me to spit a perfectly good sip of red wine and laugh SO HARD it should have come out my nose. When The Writers give us a laugh on this show they settle for nothing less than split sides. LOVE them for that. Good thing it was Damon though, guys, because Rick was a liiiiittle slow with that crossbow. Dear Julie and Kevin, RICK NEEDS MORE PRACTICE.
“But we’re out of here before the full moon and I become wolf-bait unless you want to relive the whole death bed kissy thing.” Oh please, as if they BOTH haven’t every second since and contemplated a repeat (presumably with less feverish Death Sweat, of course but I’m not one judge). *ducks from whatever Team Stefan just threw at the screen*
Blood-Drippy Eyes, Fever Shakes and Mad Zombie Tendencies. Hybrid Transition is AWWWESOME, especially when you chain them to trees in the mountains: so neat. Also, I’m starting to notice I’m growing rather fond of these gruesome effects (bloody eyes, heart-snatches, throat-chomps, etc) … not sure what that says about me … well, other than in the world of Mystic Falls I would make a killer vampire … you know, in case there’s a Salvatore looking for … seriously, what am I even talking about? XD LOL
“Let’s skip the part where we pretend we don’t know about the vampires in this town and where we pretend she’s not one of them.” Have I mentioned that I’m kind of falling for the Lockwoods, because I kind of am. Founding families are so deliciously dysfunctional in this town. *applause, applause*
“You don’t know about me, do you?” If not for the serious shock factor of Caroline’s reveal in the final scene, the Lockwoods would have been my Show Stealer this week. I have always thought Tyler and Carol have a very strong bond as mother and son but every child’s deepest, darkest fear is that it won’t hold fast if they ever reveal their deepest, darkest secret to their parent. So when Tyler decided not to tell his mother about his curse, but show her instead – knowing what she had likely done to Caroline, knowing she had tried to poison him with vervain - yet taking the huge chance that maybe, just maybe, their bond was strong enough to take this anyway, blew my mind! It was a powerful event to me. So HUGE applause for the Special Effects Crew, The Writers, Josh Butler for some killer direction and most especially for Michael Trevino and Susan Walters for making it so damn, heart-wrenching. Wow.
“I said, ‘Rick’.” Was it just me or did Elena enjoy Damon singeing with a yelp when he accidentally grabbed the rope she’d just doused in vervain?
“Here doggie, doggie.” Crazy Eyes AND self-less heroics? How are some of you people still not Damon fans? I mean, seriously *so much applause!*
“If you don’t want her chasing you, you might want to stop with the late night phone calls.” Aww, Salvatore brother banter will get applause every time. If you want us to believe you’re lost to us Stefan, you’re going to have to start letting the Hybrid Zombie Mountain People kill your loved ones otherwise …
“I’m never coming back. Once you get her home, see if you can keep her there this time.” Wait, did Stefan just Damon the okay to “distract” Elena’s attention and not feel bad about it? Because I’m pretty damn sure he just did. Stefan is way more twisted than I’ve given him credit for. Interesting …
“Let the vampires fight the Hybrid zombie mountain man. I’ll keep the human safe.” At least 2% of the remainder of your Most Memorable All-Time Favourite Lines from The Vampire Diaries comes from Alaric Saltzman. Total truth. Write it down somewhere.
“I can come back. Help me come back.” Even in Ghosty Vampire Death, Vicki’s messing with poor Jeremy’s head. Don’t trust her as far as we can exorcise her but can’t wait to see what she’s up to!
“Don’t trust Vicki.” Excellent twist! Wait till Jeremy tries to explain to Matt that yet another ex-girlfriend vampire-ghost chick just crashed the party and she ain’t cheering for Team Donovan.
“I did everything I was asked. It should’ve worked.” Klaus knows! I’ll bet all my vervain on it. His fierce outburst then sudden calmness scared the $%@& out of me and I loooved it.
“He’s an insufferable martyr that needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.” Can we all just fess up and love Damon now, please? I think it’s time, people. *Team HUUUUUG*
“Because when I pull my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt when he was gone.” Along with that 96% of your favourite lines, Damon also delivers the lion’s share your most Most Memorable I-Can’t-Breathe-Right-Now Favourite Moments on this show. This scene was excellently executed. MAJOR applause to Ian and Nina. It revealed just how far Elena and Damon have come in their relationship and how their roles have shifted since the last time Damon stood in her bedroom he tried to physically force her to face her feelings – which of course did not end well, just ask Jeremy. Yet this time he showed exemplary restraint and got much better results; and Elena, quite freely manipulative of her sway over the elder Salvatore earlier, found herself the one being manipulated to reveal a weakness she has been fighting to urge to indulge. Also, the almost-kiss proximity in which they shared this exchange may have made this Damon girl a little weak herself. Oh my.
“You sure you know what you’re doing there?” Aww, Alaric, not even up the stairs with youra suitcase yet and already going all parental. So happy to have you back where you fit.
So Stefan forced Andie to die horribly and he did it right in front of you too? Gee, that sucks, Damon … so anyways, back to me now! Wow, Elena Not cool.
Stefan heard Damon, Alaric and Elena but the 65 werewolves and Klaus didn’t. Um … okay?
Climbing the Mountain of Inevitable Peril on a hunt for the supernatural and NOT BEING QUIET. So a vampire slayer, a 160-year-old vampire and a doppelganger walk up a mountain to go Werewolf & Team Rippah hunting – stop me if you’ve heard this one already – and they talk so loudly, 00Donovan could’ve pointed out their position seated in a booth back at the Mystic Grill. Swifty swift there, Vampire Diaries.
“Stefan’s in this mess because I bit Damon.” Oh, for fangsakes! Noooo Tyler, Stefan is in this mess because he “had to know her”. But for some unknown reason NOBODY in all of fandom and writer-dom seems to be able to remember that! *serious fangsnap!*
Why do people keep letting the vampires make them drink their blood like that? It’s one thing for a vampire to grab you from behind, pin you against something, have an a partner in crime hold you still or compel you against your will; but what is with this shove-my-bleeding-profusely-wrist-into-you-mouth-not-holding-you-in-a-forcible-fashion-AT-ALL thing and the victim DRINKS it and reacts as if they had NO choice. Clearly, I’m missing something here.
Klaus and Stefan persuaded an ENTIRE pack of werewolves on the night of full moon to do their will simply by talking in threatening, condescending tones. I would rant and fang-snap more here if not still paralyzed by complete dumbfounded shock.
Brewing on the Brain …
How long exactly has the Good Sheriff Liz been spiking Mystic Grill coffee pots?
Why did Carol go to Daddy Bill and not Sheriff Liz?
With that in mind, Daddy Bill’s reaction to Caroline being the vampire Carol called about seemed off to me. Either he’s expertly skilled at fooling his fellow Council members or something else is going on here.
Where is Daddy Bill keeping Vampire Caroline? And just how many torture chamber/creepy-crypty-castle-dungeon cellars are there in this crazy town?
Will Carol keep her promise to Tyler to help Caroline or was that phone call it?
If Elena only had to go to Resident Werewolf Tyler Lockwood to find out where a pack would likely be hiding out and in fact get an actual location because Tyler had all of that knowledge even in such a short time in Wolf-dom then, um, why didn’t Klaus just wolf-nap Tyler?
Why is it that a werewolf can become a Hybrid but a vampire cannot?
Who broke the window? Anna? Vicki?
Who told Klaus what he had to do to make his Hybrid race? The Servants of Nature? His Band of Groupie Witches?
Speaking of … where are The Servants of Nature and what happened to Klaus’ Band of Groupie Witches?
Whose room did Alaric decide to sleep in?
Photo Courtesy of The CW